JOSE ENRIQUE, WE’RE IN THE TOP SIX!!!

Yesterday Newcastle United humiliated their former manager, Kenny Dalglish, and his Liverpool side at St. James’ Park.  Clueless “King” Kenny watched as his side slumped to a 2-0 defeat and finished the game with ten men.

The game was billed as the decider for a top six finish, with Newcastle beginning the game eight points clear of Liverpool.  It also saw the returns of Jose Enrique and Andy Carroll to St. James’ Park.  Another former Magpie, Craig Bellamy, also started for Liverpool.

Jose Enrique left St. James’ under a bitter cloud after publicly criticising the club’s transfer policy on Twitter.  He stated “This club will never again fight to be among the top 6 again with this policy” after claiming Newcastle were letting all of their major players go.  Has anybody actually missed Jose though?  We started the season with Ryan Taylor at left-back and he was superb.  His goals against Everton and more specifically the free-kick against Sunderland have helped make him a fan’s favourite.  While Davide Santon has struggled to settle in and failed to impress, I still believe we have gotten by just fine without Enrique and guess what Jose…

We’re in the top six!

Andy Carroll cut a pretty miserable figure on his return too.  He was constantly booed and looked a shadow of the player he was when he played in black and white.  I didn’t boo Andy Carroll though, I still like him and Liverpool are my third favourite team, after The Toon and Everton.  I also like Bellamy because he’s an absolute dick-head, but he has the swagger to be able to carry off being a dick-head.  I just don’t like Kenny Dalglish because he ruined us when he was our manager, and I don’t like Enrique because I’ve always thought he was overrated and arrogant.

Liverpool started the game the livelier of the two sides.  A Jonjo Shelvey shot was deflected just over the cross-bar early on and a Martin Skrtel header went over the top before one of the game’s big talking points.  Andy Carroll got the better of Mike Williamson and looked to have rounded Tim Krul before taking a tumble inside the Newcastle penalty area.  He was booked for diving and that epitomised what was a very bad afternoon for Andy Carroll.  If he hadn’t have dived then he was round Tim Krul with an easy finish, even though it was on his wrong foot.

Liverpool continued to press and Tim Krul was forced into a brilliant save when he tipped a deflected Craig Bellamy cross onto the bar as he continues to impress in between the sticks for The Toon.  I still stand by my claims that Tim Krul will become better than Peter Schmeichel ever was.  The visitors from Merseyside also had a very good shout for a penalty waved away after Danny Simpson made yet another goal line clearance, only this time with his arm.

The first goal came in the 19^th minute.  Hatem Ben Arfa, enjoying possibly his best form since joining Newcastle, got the better of the Liverpool defence before his perfectly weighted cross found Papiss Cisse in acres of space at the back post, leaving Cisse with a simple header to put The Toon in front.  It was brilliant work by both Ben Arfa, who really seems to be finding his feet now, and Cisse, who’s positioning was outstanding.  I’m still not convinced that Papiss Cisse is fully settled in yet, although he is a natural born goal-scorer.  I think the best of Cisse is still to come!

Cisse also came close to doubling his tally near the end of the first half when he directed a header just wide of Pepe Reina’s post from a Danny Guthrie cross.  The teams went down the tunnel at half-time with The Toon leading but one goal.

At half-time Me Fatha asked me what we needed to do to make sure that we won this game.  I simply replied, “Score another goal.”

In the second half a Newcastle side full of confidence overshadowed a dejected Liverpool side and almost doubled their lead within minutes of the restart when Mike Williamson hit the post with a header.

Papiss Cisse made it 2-0 in the 59^th minute when he again found himself in plenty of space with an easy back post tap in after some brilliant Newcastle build-up play typical of a side brimming in confidence.

Tim Krul made a rare mistake just after the hour which allowed Luis Suarez a free chance on goal but another in form Newcastle player, James Perch, made a crucial block.

Things went from bad to worse for Kenny Dalglish’s side in the 81^st minute.  Mike Williamson had another header on goal, which this time was saved by Pepe Reina.  As Reina ran out with the ball James Perch tripped the Liverpool goalkeeper.  The reaction of Pepe Reina was that of a stroppy child, he confronted Perch and head-butted him.  Perch over dramatised the matter, which seems commonplace in the Premier League these days, and threw himself to the ground.  There was a bit of fracas with players from both sides involved before the referee took control of the situation and rightly showed Perch a yellow card before sending Pepe Reina off.  Reina’s petulance continued as he didn’t leave the pitch in a hurry only serving to run down the clock.  He continued to shout at James Perch as he left the field and appeared to be saying that more would come after the match.  It was all very petty stuff from the embarrassed goalkeeper.  Reina’s sending off meant that Jose Enrique was forced into seeing out the remainder of the game in goal for Liverpool as Kenny Dalglish had already used all of his substitutes.

The matched finished 2-0 and Newcastle extended their lead over Liverpool to eleven points, tied on points with fifth-placed Chelsea and ten points clear of Everton in seventh place.  That almost certainly guarantees us a top six finish.  So much for Jose Enrique!

Liverpool look to be a club on the slide, whereas Newcastle are a club on the rise.  Andy Carroll has failed to find his form and Kenny Dalglish is now coming under fire.  Newcastle can take positives from the performances of certain players in recent games and now have some momentum going into Friday’s game at Swansea, after winning our last two games.  Hatem Ben Arfa followed up his Man of the Match performance against West Brom with another brilliant display and was involved in creating both of Papiss Cisse’s goals.  Cisse again showed his killer touch and his brilliant positioning play with the two goals.  James Perch was outstanding again, as he has been in recent games and looks as though he is constantly improving.  For me James Perch was the Man of the Match.

GEORDIE BOYS TAKING PAPISS!

REFEREES SHOULD BE MADE TO EXPLAIN CONTENTIOUS DECISIONS!!!

I feel losing 3-0 to Chelsea today is a very harsh result.  It was a highly entertaining game with plenty of action, but that’s all overshadowed by some shambolic refereeing by that fukkin muppet Mike Dean.

Mike Dean – Prick!

Four minutes into the game he dropped a massive bollock when Demba Ba was brought down by David Luiz when he was clean through on goal.  The referee gave the free-kick so had no option but to give Luiz a straight red card.  The fukka didn’t though!  Mike Dean bottled the big decision and only showed the yellow card.  That’s a fukkin shocking decision that he wants strung up for!  A key decision like that, four minutes into the game.  If he makes the right decision and sends him off, then Chelsea have to play practically the full game with ten men.  There’s no way that he can’t send Luiz off!  He obviously hasn’t got the nerve to make a big decision like that and in my opinion shouldn’t be allowed to referee.  This isn’t just a game, it’s fukkin football!!!  Referees who make dubious calls like that should be made to explain their contentious decisions immediately after the match.  I would love to fukkin know how Mike Dean can justify not sending David Luiz off.  We all know the rules.  Ba’s clean through on goal, red card!  No two ways about it!  Mike Dean hasn’t got the bollocks to make the big decisions!  Ridiculous decisions like that can cost teams dearly.  Referees should be punished when they fuck up like that!!!

He’s just a shit Coloccini!

Then, there’s the first goal.  A stray Chelsea long ball floats out for a throw-in and the referee awards Chelsea the throw-in.  I’d need to see it again but it didn’t look like it got near anyone.  The referee claims it came off one of our player’s heads.  If he’s called that one right then it’s an excellent decision and well spotted.  If he’s dropped a bollock again, he wants castrated!  Chelsea went and scored straight from that, thanks to some sloppy defending.  We allowed Juan Mata to slip in behind the defence on the throw-in.  Mata dinks a little cross in and there’s Didier Drogba in acres of space in the box to nod it past Tim Krul.  I don’t think there’s a lot Krul could’ve done.  1-0, Chelsea.

Like I mentioned earlier though, it was a thoroughly entertaining game.  There were chances galore!  Before the Chelsea goal, Tim Krul saved a Frank Lampard penalty after Yohan Cabaye brought down Daniel Sturridge.  Sturridge was running riot down the right.  Ryan Taylor was really exposed at left-back for us and we were really missing Jonas Gutierrez.  That Sturridge is some player though!  He’s class, simple as!  Tim Krul was on outstanding form, as usual, and made several world class saves to further support my claim that he will be better than Peter Schmeichel ever was.

At 1-0 we were still pushing and, before the total collapse at the end of the second half, were very unfortunate not to score.  Ba hit the post.  Sammy Ameobi looked spritely coming off the bench and had a shot cleared off the line.  He’s got nee fear that lad!  He went at it against Manchester City and he showed these no respect today, he’s as game as a fukkin badger!  Shola Ameobi, also off the bench, hit the bar and you just knew we were gonna have no luck at all!

Young Sammy – FEARLESS BASTARD!

At the end, we went into total collapse and Solomon Kalou and Sturridge both scored in sloppily conceded goals.  Tim Krul was furious, and rightly so!  After his performance, he didn’t deserve to concede three goals.  He was my Man of the Match again today.

We picked up a few injuries and even ended the game with ten men after Steven Taylor went off injured.  And that was after Fabricio Coloccini went off injured and was replaced by James Perch, who is absolutely shite.  And Shola had come on for Hatem Ben Arfa.  I’m assuming that had to be through injury because, at 1-0 down, you don’t take Ben Arfa off in a shrewd tactical move.  Hopefully it’s nowt too serious.  Our squad now looks dangerously thin.  We’ve lost our two centre-backs, who’ve been a class act all season.  And James Perch is shite!!!

TIM KRUL WILL BECOME BETTER THAN PETER SCHMEICHEL EVER WAS

Manchester United 1-1 Newcastle United

After the high of last weekend’s win, I was brought back down to Earth this weekend.  Southampton lost to Bristol City, in what can only be described as a shite result, and Arsenal drew with Fulham, to continue their shite season.  Wor Shitus fared no better though.  He paid the price, yet again, for betting against The Toon!  Although, Man United, Southend, Alloa and Barcelona all let him down.  So, I retain my £277.43 lead.

Current score;

Me = -£112.46

Shitus = -£389.89

The Premier League's Number 1?

The Toon picked up a hard fought point away to Manchester United.  Tim Krul will become the best goalkeeper in the world.  I believe he’ll be even better than Peter Schmeichel was!  I think he’s the best goalkeeper in the Premier League already!  Who’s better than him?  Not Petr Cech.  Not Pepe Reina.  Not Shay Given.  Joe Hart?  I think Krul’s better!

Premier League Legend Peter Schmeichel

Krul was my personal choice for Man of the Match.  He made some world class saves today to keep us in the game.  He’s improving with every game he plays and his confidence in his ability shows.  Danny Simpson was also playing at the top of his game.  Our defence continues to look solid with Colo, Stevie T and Ryan Taylor all playing well too.  Despite Obertan looking keen, he’s still shit!  Would’ve loved him to score but, in truth, he just doesn’t have the ability.  I thought Jonas was unlucky to get sent off and the referee seemed pretty handy with his cards.

The first half was a stalemate and we matched them in every department.  The best chance of the first half fell to Ryan Giggs but he was never gonna get the best of Tim Krul, I mean haway man, it’s Tim fukkin Krul we’re talking aboot! 

In the second half they took the lead with a fluke goal.  That fat tosser Wayne Rooney hit the wall with a free-kick and hit the rebound with his left foot.  Stevie Taylor managed to get something on it, but it only managed to bounce of Hernandez and past Krul.  A proper pin-ball goal!  The lucky bastards! 

We were playing well though and we didn’t deserve to lose to a goal like that.  We had our own stroke of luck when Hatem Ben Arfa burst into the Man United box and went down under a challenge from everybody’s favourite crack-heed, Rio Ferdinand.  Rio’s tackle was a perfect tackle!  The referee had even given the corner but the assistant indicated a penalty… which was nice.  The referee had a bit chit-chat with the fukka and give us the penalty… which was nice.  Then Demba Ba coolly slotted it past that De Gea numpty…  which was nice.  1-1.

It all started to go on the slide for us when that clown Perch was brought on.  Gutierrez got a second yellow card and we spent the rest of the game on the back foot.  We managed to hold on for the remainder of the game and earned a hard fought point that we deserved.

I said before the Man City game that I’d take four points from these three games.  I really fancy us to fuck Chelsea at St. James’ Park next weekend.  We give a good account of ourselves last week and didn’t suffer an embarrassment like Man United did.  Chelsea have been having a poor season and we’re still unbeaten at home!

Haway The Toon!!!

A WEEKEND WASTED IS NEVER A WASTED WEEKEND!

Another weekend draws to a close and it’s time to recap and attempt to piece together what really happened.

DOWNTOWN LESTER BROWN

On Friday, DOWNTOWN LESTER BROWN played another Too Far North gig at The Dog and Parrot.  According to Photo Dave, it was our best performance to date.  Of the four bands that played, we brought the largest crowd and as usual blew everyone away.  Needless to say, I was paggered when I was on stage shaking my noisy things.  We opened with Mallaz Beats The Devil, played a couple of new tracks and finished with Man On The Run.  It was good to see Smack-Knackers at the gig, and as an added bonus he brought V For Vendetta, who’s back from New Zealand.  Also, good old reliable Sam Nelson kept up his record of attending everyone of our gigs so far… and we didn’t even play his favourite track (at the request of Ben and Richard, giving the fans what they want!), although I did give him a shout out as a bit of recognition because I know how to keep people happy.

High Definition Jazz Kitten

I obviously made an impression too.  After we finished our set, some kid who had come to see one of the other bands came up and asked for his photo taken with me.  He reckoned he’d witnessed history in the making and compared it to when The Sex Pistols played in front of 42 people.  It was a pretty fukkin good performance!

In other DLB related business, I finally managed to upload the two videos from our Riverside gig from October 11th.  Fukkin Youtube’s shite though!  It took me four fukkin attempts to upload Dufresne’s Escape!  It takes six fukkin hours to upload a bastard video, only to say the cunt didn’t work!  Sort it out you gang of twats!  I’m gonna have to go through the same clart this week with the videos from Friday’s gig as well.

The Love & Other Diseases EP is just about complete and hopefully we’ll be releasing that real soon.  Also, the Empty Heed single is now available to download for just 50c on CD Baby.  The next gig we’ve got lined up is my gig at The Telegraph.  I’ve also got The Mojags already confirmed for that one, give them a listen.  They really impressed us when we played with them at The Riverside.

FOOTBALL STUFF

I’ll start with the betting challenge with Wor Shitus…

For the God knows how many consecutive-th week in a row, we both had a total fukkin wash-out.  That leaves him on -£239.89 and me on -£274.96.  If you want a useful tip, here’s one… don’t fukkin listen to either of us!

Obviously, with having a season ticket for The Toon, I was at the Everton game on Saturday and I’ve gotta tell you, these early kick-offs take the piss!  I was still smashed from Friday’s gig when I got to the match.  It’s a good job the first half was entertaining as fuck or I’d have struggled to stay awake!  Ryan Taylor’s goal was absolutely fukkin awesome!  Goal of the Month already, nothing can match that.  Especially when you consider he’s a Liverpool fan too.  I also wish to say Tim Krul will become the best goalkeeper in the world!  I’ve been saying that for a few years now and grow more and more confident with each game I see him play.  However, I really don’t rate Danny Guthrie, the useless cunt, or Danny Simpson, the weakest link in our defense.  He’s scared to make a fukkin tackle and backs off far too much, allowing wingers to get into the box.  He was guilty of that in the first half, in the build up to Louis Saha hitting the post.  Get fukkin Santon in before Simpson really drops a bollock!  We were shite in the second half and just allowed them to come at us.  We got lucky that Everton have been shite this season or we could have been punished for that.  Three points is still three points though and the mighty Magpies march on!

Ryan Taylor... Over them all...

Watched Match Of The Day tonight too.  Ali Al Habsi was unbelievable for Wigan today, it’s a shame they got fucked off Wolves.  He needs to find a better team to play for, because he really did not deserve to concede three goals after that performance.  Goal of the Month was a disappointment too.  It should blatantly have been Gutierrez’s goal against Wolves, he skinned three fukkin players before he slotted it past the oncoming goalkeeper and last defender!  That presenter’s an irritating fukkin prick an all!