Archive for the Poetry Category

WATCHING PORN ON THE NET

Posted in Poetry with tags , , , , , , , on March 29, 2012 by Mallaz
A poem about a wanker…
.
He doesn’t need a girlfriend,
because he’s got his palm,
he sits locked in his bedroom,
watching Animal Farm.
Only goes out for work,
to pay for his broadband,
no human interaction,
he’s content with his hand.
He doesn’t do drugs,
or go out getting pissed,
he’s more than happy at home,
constantly fukkin his fist.
© Malcolm White 2012
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HUMPTY NUMPTY

Posted in General Gobshiting, Poetry with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 29, 2012 by Mallaz

HUMPTY NUMPTY

(A nursery rhyme by Mallaz)

.

Humpty the Numpty sold his CDs from his stall

While body-popping to rave remixes of Pink Floyd’s The Wall

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men

Had jaws swinging from the Ecstasy

It was like the 90s again!

.

This is massively hypocritical if you read my poem ‘The Musical Rapist’ about plagiarism, but so fuck!  I ripped off a nursery rhyme while I was in the bath, I’m pretty sure nee twat’s ganna sue me for that, plus I’m Mallaz and do what the fuck I want!

Follow me on Twitter if you’re one of them sorts @Mallaz84 Boom.

THE MUSICAL RAPIST (a poem by MALLAZ)

Posted in Poetry with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 17, 2011 by Mallaz

You came here expecting stardom

Thinking you’re the man

It was you that caused the problems

That ruined my fucking band

You’re always trying to steal the credit

For someone else’s graft

We’ve heard the song you stole it from

Not everybody’s daft

.

You claimed that you would Be Someone

But it’s not your song

What about Breakfast at Tiffany’s?

Did I say something wrong?

You’ve got nothing that’s original

You’re a fucking plagiarist

Trying to pass it off as your work

Deep Blue Something will be pissed

 .

You said I can’t play an instrument

So I know fuck all

You’ve been doing this for years

You’ve seen and done it all

Now you’re trying to take the plaudits

For Downtown Lester Brown

A project born of my hard work

Don’t be a fucking clown

 .

Everyone knows where it started

Everything was me

You’ve exposed yourself as a fraud

For everyone to see

You’ll never cut it as a front man

You haven’t got the grit

And you’ll never make a songwriter

All your lyrics are fucking shit

.

2011 © Malcolm White

Dedicated to Richard Gilroy, who very recently tried to steal my credit for starting Downtown Lester Brown.

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