HE'S HUNG LIKE THIS AND HE FUCKS MACKEMS!
NEWCASTLE UNITED 1-1 SUNDERLAND
Sunday 4th March 2012
Yesterday was the big Tyne-Wear Derby and, although not as brilliant as last season’s 5-1 Demolition Derby, it was a brilliant game for the neutral. As a Newcastle fan, I see it as two points dropped against a weaker side, same as the draw against Wolves before that. Despite the injury time equaliser from the Mackem Slayer, Shola Ameobi, feeling like a winning goal at the time on the sole basis that it meant that the Mackems had failed to beat us once in the last five meetings, we had a poor first half but in the second half we hammered them and had the best of them over the course of the whole game.
According to some statistical stuff that you can find by clicking the link below, we had 29 attempts on goal compared to their MASSIVE 8. The Toon had 19 corners, whereas the Sad Mackem Bastards had a HUGE total of 4. We also dominated the game with 63% of the possession.
Even though 71% of all statistics are just made up on the spot, and statistics don’t lie, only statisticians, here’s where I sourced these ones.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/match/2012/mar/04/newcastleunited-v-sunderland
We were the better team and should have beaten the SMB.
The best place I’ve found for online video highlights of this exciting and adrenaline-pumping, yet bitterly disappointing encounter are through the next link, so why not have a gander for yourselves?
http://www.footballorgin.com/2012/03/premier-league-bbc-match-of-day-2-motd2.html
The game got off to a fierce start when Lee Cattermole was booked for one of his typically idiotic and overeager challenges on Cheick Tiote within 40 seconds. A later foul against Tiote on Cattermole was given, although in my opinion (and if you watch the incident on the highlights) Tiote wins the ball, doesn’t touch Cattermole with his legs and at most it was a slight nudge.
This huge game at St. James’ Park was refereed poorly by Mike Dean, who is not held in the highest regard by Toon fans after he cost us the game against Chelsea, when he failed to send off David Luiz for an undisputable red card offence in the first few minutes.
Then about 20 minutes into the game Dean could easily have sent Sunderland’s James McClean (who?) off for a mindless tackle on Danny Simpson, which sparked all kinds of kick off’s after Simpson reacted and players from both sides got involved. There was absolutely no need for McClean to make such a dangerous challenge on Danny Simpson inside our box and in so many other games a tackle like that would have earned a straight red card. McClean was booked for the foul though.
The Toon had a terrible first half and the worst moment of that came on 24 minutes, when Mike Williamson stupidly gave away a penalty after he was justifiably penalised for pulling on Michael Turner’s (never heard of him either?) shirt. It was a stupid penalty to give away as Turner was in no danger of doing anything constructive and this moment of idiocy earned Williamson a yellow card and the SMB a penalty. Petty criminal, Nicklas Bendtner converted the resulting spot kick, although Tim Krul did get close to the well-taken penalty down in his bottom right-hand corner, and the SMB were one goal to the good. Well done Williamson, you massive daft plank!
Newcastle United 0-1 Sunderland (Bendtner pen. 24)
Bendtner scores a penalty after 24 minutes.
Tim Krul was yet again in sublime form in between the posts for adding further weight to my belief that he will become a better goalkeeper than Peter Schmeichel ever was. With the SMB leading 1-0 Bendtner could have grabbed a second when his wicked strike was stopped by a fine Krul save.
Tim Krul Will Be Better Than Peter Schmeichel Ever Was Blog
Even though we were considerably poor in the first half, we did create a few chances in the first half. Fabricio Coloccini forced a good save from Simon Mignolet after winning a back post header and Demba Ba struck the cross-bar after Ryan Taylor had swung in a corner that he had earned when his shot had been deflected.
Half Time – Newcastle United 0-1 Sunderland
We went into half time 1-0 down after a woeful first half performance and a ridiculous penalty to concede. At half time I usually go see My Old Man, who sits further up from me in the Leazes End. We discussed the first half and I said that I would bring Shola and Hatem Ben Arfa on. The game definitely needed changing. I have absolute faith in the Mackem Slayer and knew that if he was brought on as a substitute that he would score!
I even said it to Me Fatha!
The second half started with Ben Arfa replacing Davide Santon in a shrewd tactical move by Alan Pardew. Ben Arfa was a game changer as he put the Mackems on the back foot for the entirety of the second half.
After 58 minutes Tim Krul showed his class yet again as he made an incredible double save, with either leg, to stop the SMB doubling their lead, first preventing Sebastian Larsson and James McClean’s follow up effort.
That was swiftly followed by pathetic incident which saw Stephane Sessegnon sent off for lashing out at Tiote, who reacted slowly before throwing himself onto the floor and rolling about as if he’d been hit by a sniper. Sessegnon had to be dismissed but Cheick Tiote’s reaction was embarrassing!
"Go on you Sad Mackem Bastard, fuck off!"
It was written in the stars though and on 72 minutes Shola replaced Papiss Cisse. We could still win this and the Mackem Slayer was destined to strike again!
A couple of minutes later Mignolet was forced to pull off a quality save from Hatem Ben Arfa as his amazing mazey run left McClean and Turner scratching their empty Mackem heads before unleashing his shot.
Before we were eventually award our 82nd minute penalty, we had two penalty shouts ignored after a hand-ball appeal and an incident with Ben Arfa being brought down by McClean, who was lucky to still be on the pitch. Shola got into the Mackem’s box and skinned Larsson before McClean brought the mighty Mackem Slayer to the ground as he was being beaten and starting to have a shambolic afternoon. We were going wild! Surely this was to be the moment Shola got his goal. He never misses penalties and almost always scores past Sunderland!
But who steps up? Demba fukkin Ba! I was raging and screaming! It had to be Shola’s! He was destined to score, for fuck’s sake! Not Demba Ba, Shola the Mackem Slayer!
I had a sickening feeling, I knew what was about to happen! Demba Ba’s penalty was weak and Mignolet had no trouble in palming it out for a corner. We stood staring in disbelief. How could that happen? TV footage shows clearly though that Mignolet was well off his line and technically the penalty should have had to be re-taken. My main gripe wasn’t with that though, it was Shola’s destiny, and he had even made the penalty and had been doing to Sunderland’s defence the sort of things that Titus Bramble does to women!
I was still certain that Shola would have his moment. He came agonisingly close to scoring with a shot that was deflected for a corner.
Then in injury time it inevitably happened! Williamson flicked on a Yohan Cabaye cross and Shola caught Wayne Bridge sleeping at left-back and crept in to slip it past Mignolet! Boom! 1-1 and the Geordie crowd were in raptures!
Same Old Shola, Always Scoring!
I was jumping up and down shouting that I’d fukkin told everyone and I was hugging the dudes next to me and we danced in jubilation. We’d stuck it to these Sad Mackem Bastards! Just like I had been adamant he would, Shola scored his seventh goal against the team he’s scored the most goals against during his Toon career! No three points for the SMB and no bragging rights, just another season living in our shadow!
Newcastle United (Ameobi 91) 1-1 Sunderland
The full-time whistle went, but that wasn’t the end of it all. Being a complete fukkin numpty, Lee Cattermole managed to get himself sent off after the game because he was insulting Mike Dean. What an absolute dick-head!
"You too, fuck off!"
I’ve previously expressed my disliking of Lee Cattermole and Nicklas Bendtner in my blog but I’d like to add Frazier Campbell to list of Mackem bastards that I particularly dislike. When Bendtner scored his penalty, substitute Campbell was running up and down the touch-line fists pumping and goading the crowd. Games like this can become very hostile and players should be punished by the FA for behaviour like that. Even the SMB coaching staff called him back in.
Aye, that’s right, reel your little Mackem shit-bag in!
After the game Alan Pardew described Shola as “an absolute legend” and I couldn’t agree more! He’s a local lad who bangs them in for his local club against his local rivals!
Full-Time – Newcastle United 1-1 Sunderland
Att – 52,388
Absolute Legend!
WHAT MALLAZ IS SAYING! 